I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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