i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
