I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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