just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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