It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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