actually, I'm a sock model
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
