i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
