I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
