Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
