Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
