its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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