Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
North Korea, Best Korea!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
