We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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