You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
