Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
