let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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