I cannot find my penis.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
