Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
