i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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