did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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