I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
