I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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