im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
