C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
