From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
