It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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