my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
