Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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