If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
