i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
