oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
In America we eat man semen.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
