He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
