Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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