We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
