you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
