Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she pinky promised me she was 18
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
