Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
