some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I love you. Go after that dick
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
