Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
