There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
