I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We have started to decorate penises.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
