No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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