i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
