history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
