3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
