all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
