i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
