you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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