I haven't been this sober since birth.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I party with great urgency now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
