your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize