quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
