IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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