WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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