New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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