u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
