You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
