I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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