You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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