how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
