I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
