Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
