i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
