And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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