I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
