This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
