Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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