I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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