The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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