can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
