My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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