So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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