I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
