Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
