he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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